I’m really excited about it. Really. I grew up on these toys. I grew up losing the guns, and breaking my brother’s precious optimus prime. I used to take the sticker sheet, and peel off the border and stick it on my arm so it looks like I had buttons on my arm, like a robot boy.

But I was thinking the other day, in the story of the transformers, their spacecraft crash lands on earth many many years ago and stays buried. Eventually, Teletran-1, the spacecraft’s onboard computer comes back to life, coincidentally, during our modern days.

All the transformers robotic bodies were pretty much destroyed, but Teletran-1 detected all kinds of machinery on earth, and then was able to, kind of, inject the essence of a transformer into any other machine. And that’s how the Transformers came to life on earth.

But, imagine for a second you were a transformer. And you’ve got all your transformer buddies. The little yellow VW beetle, your friend Bumblebee, who you always kind of feel bad for because he’s so small and kind of a wuss. There’s the guy who got the white porsche, score for Jazz! Ironhide is always grumpy, but you would be too if you got a pickup truck.

But imagine Teletran-1 was doing all this, and got to your name and thought, “hmm. What kind of body should he get?” and you got a streetcar. How much would THAT suck? You’d be stuck on the tracks and have a top speed of like, 35 km/h.

Bumblbee would run up to you and say “Hey, Megatron and his deceptacons are attacking in the west end! We gotta re-group with the Autobots!”

You reply. “Uh, yea, you go ahead, I’ll catchup. It’s not on my route, so I’ll have to walk half way…unless, like, can you give me a ride?”

“Sorry dude, you’re to big. I’m a VW beetle.”

“Wuss.”

January 25th, 2007 | Life, Movies | No comments

I’ll be honest, I’m not a movie review writer. And try as I might, I never will be. I simply don’t have a journalist’s grasp of the English language; the kind that is required when trying to recreate the type of reaction you got from one and a half or so hours of film you just experienced.

That said, I really thought Joint Security Area was…good. HA. Released back in 2000, it was apparently Park Chan Wook’s (oldboy) first commercial hit. About a tragic and impossible friendship between a North Korean soldier, and South Korean soldier, it’s success is no doubt due to the way it tries to humanize the people caught in the ongoing conflict within the asian peninsula… I’m not even sure what the sentence means… I was trying to be a journalist again.

It was tragic. And it had some very beauitful scenes. And it shows, despite differences, even those as strong as those between a North Korean, and South Korean, both of whom are soldiers, enemies, no less, it shows how any two people can really connect.

Well put together, the only downfall of this movie was the fucking horrible acting by the non-Korean actors. Just, downright horrible. And it was also really hard to believe the leading lady grew up outside of Korea, and that this was her first time in Korea, yet, had a Korean accent in her English.

The most beautiful scene is about halfway through the movie when two lines of soldiers appear on either side of the screen, from either side of the border, they stand, rifles in hand, knee deep in snow. Both head officers hesitantly move to the centre of the screen, and trade cigarettes. The North Korean stumbles with his match, and the South Korean soldeirs lights his cigarette for him with his Zippo lighter. They don’t even share a word. Just glances. They back away, and every one heads home.

I plan to try to explore Korean movies beyond Park’s. I watched something called ‘Typhoon’ in theatres last week, but without subtitles, it was a real struggle. I think I’ll see King Kong this week.

December 27th, 2005 | Movies | No comments