It was an indicator that I have, in fact, become de-socialized. It was a strange feeling at first. I was automatically defensive, but then thought deeper. Why would she think that?

I arrived in Korea for my second term about 365 days ago. I only realized this whilst typing the sentence before this one. That was the approximate time it took to change from a butterfly, back to what lies lurking in the dark corners.

I guess it’s because as of late, the only reason I go out, to say, a bar, is when I’m performing. Whether it’s playing with las Pistolas, doing my solo thing, or DJing… which are all very 1-way forms of communication aren’t they?

I can’t remember the last time I introduced myself and gave me shpeil of who I am (and why I speak English well but look Korean) because I rarely bother anymore. Luckily, Angelo is super-sociable-man or the band would never have any fans or get any gigs.

I think part of it is because I’m not single. When I think back to all the times I’ve spent out with people, meeting strangers. I think about the times and memories that some people who know me would use as evidence to show me that I am in fact sociable. They’d scoff and point to them. But back then, when you’re single, you do that. You flex your muscles, and shout your mating call.

Hey, hey, look at me, I’m funny, sociable, entertaining, and loveable, and I’m showing all of you by being funny, sociable, entertaining and loveable in front of you. Love me. Call me. Invite me out. It’s all a farce isn’t it?

This isn’t a letter of complaint. But rather, a declaration: I am one of those people who act totally different while in a relationship.

Last Wednesday, a good friend I met while in Korea was having his last huzzah in Korea. It happened to be a Wednesday, open mic at the Commune, so I thought, two birds. Craig and I performed and it was a blast as usual. Went to the Noraebang afterwards with Brad, a Korean female friend he had in tow, and Steve.

Sidenote: It’s sometimes confusing being in a room of Koreans and Foreigners. You can’t do that thing where everyone’s talking to everyone and interjecting in conversations here and there. This is because if I’m talking to a Korean person, who doesn’t speak English that well, I might here another conversation going on in English; I’ll decide to throw in something I think is valuable into that other conversation, and poof, it looks like I’m ignoring the Korean person.This happened a few times.

At one point,the Korean woman leaned over to me amidst the loud midi-driven karaoke music blasted and Brad and Steve squealed a rendition of something or other. She says “I’m sorry… I want to ask you.” She’s speaking Korean. “I want to ask you, do you hate Korean people?”

It was an indicator that I have, in fact, become de-socialized. It was a strange feeling at first. I was automatically defensive, but then thought deeper. Why would she think that?

It was a combination of that conversation interjection, and me just not being a talkative person anymore. It was almost like I was purposely being less nice to her, because I didn’t her to think that I was interested in her. Strange, huh? But these anomalies in my personality, as I declared, is due to the fact that I’m no longer Single-Jason. I’m Relationship-Jason. Not a complaint. A declaration.

Now it makes me wonder how many people have wondered about me. I wonder how many people have tried to have a conversation with me, but I unknowingly blow them off to an extent. I wonder if other people think I’m stand-off-ish or whatever. I wonder if I come off as anti-social.

Who cares.

February 28th, 2008 | Life

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